Dobie the Delinquent Disk

Miraculously, my friends haven't given up on me despite my recent transition to an anti-social recluse. Lately people have been asking for an update. If you haven't heard from me, it's because the redundancy is getting embarrassing. I'm embarrassed to keep saying, "No, my health situation isn't getting better. There's actually this new thing going on..."  But I'm not going to lie.  

I promise I am not someone always looking for a health condition. I find no secret joy in the extra attention and dependence. Every day I yearn for more independence; a time when I can pick up and care for my own baby. I've been served and I'm ready to serve.

Since that day is not near, and questions are coming, here's an update.

Facts

I was starting to do much better and loved being available to change a few diapers, make some dinners, and get off the couch. Quite suddenly, my sciatic leg pain has come back. My neurosurgeon estimates that another piece of disk has dislodged and is pressing against the nerve. For seven weeks after my original partial diskectomy (which took out the piece of disk pinching the nerve) I had no nerve pain. Yay! The problem was fixed and there was no permanent nerve damage. So we know this current pain is not just old nerve damage, there is something new going on.  Well, sort of new...

Ideas

Because an MRI image would be vague so soon after surgery (scar tissue), we can only guess what is going on. I didn't really want an MRI before Christmas anyways, in case they saw a need that would land me in the hospital over the holiday. YUCK. 

My guess (and my guesses are getting pretty good) is that my previous disk herniation made the disk go ka-put (aka damaged it so it's now a sickly little thing that can't do it's job). 

Let's name this dear little (L4-L5) lumbar disk Dobie.  Instead of being a cushy, little pillow between my bones, Dobie's squishing out, pinching my nerve, and causing leg pain more severe than ever.  If Dobie was damaged before, no wonder it's now falling apart. If that's the case, let's get that thing out of there so I can eventually get back to being a mother! Well, that's my completely non-medical take on it.  There were way too many if's in this paragraph.

Pain & Permanent Damage

I said that delinquent Dobie was causing me pain.  You might be thinking, "Ah, what's a little pain, be tough Lynn!"  If that was the only effect of the pinched nerve, I'd just say, "Give me narcotics, I'll live through it and take care of my kids!"  (Well, they have given me narcotics and my husband can attest to the fact that they are the only thing keeping me from being a complete scrooge.  To make an understatement: the pain makes me edgy.)  The pain, though, is a message.  Dobie's efficient little nerve pinching could cause paralysis and permanent damage of bladder/bowel functions, leg function, and who knows what else.  I really don't want to know.

Health & Motherhood

So, as I have made each decision about the care of my health and my kids, my top priority has always been motherhood.  I want to do whatever it takes to mother my kids.  In some instances I've said, "Hold off, I need a few days with my kids and husband."  Like now.  In the long run, though, I have to be cautious now so I can be the best possible mother later.  And by later, I mean the rest of my life and the lives of my kids.  

It would be irresponsible for me to throw caution to the wind, stay home with my girls and care for them at any cost, and then end up with permanent damage that will handicap my mothering abilities for the rest of my life.  

To sum it up

In a week I will probably have an MRI and know what's going on.  Until then, Janson, Grace and I are at home while he works, and Mari is up with my parents because I can't lift her.  We are determined to spend Christmas as a family, which means driving up to my parents house to be with Mari.  Luckily Janson's boss changed his mind and he now has Christmas morning off.  How kind.