Twisting, Lifting and Bending

Let me add myself to the numbers of LDS women pondering on and even blogging about Elder Ballard's Sunday afternoon General Conference talk. There were many things he said that touched me, and once I can review the text on Thursday I will probably have more to say.

There was one point he made that has been on my mind. He said that as of late he has realized how much twisting, lifting, and bending his wife has done around the house over the years. As many people do, I compared this to my own life. I regretfully admit that Janson probably does more of the twisting, lifting and bending around the house than me. (How sad, when he spends much less time at home than me.) And he is fully aware of the work I do accomplish because I make sure it is known to him.

In those few sentences Elder Ballard motivated me to do more of the twisting, lifting and bending, and to do it quietly, without the need for recognition.

Babies and The Food Radar

Post moved! This post has found a new and more fitting home at "Mommy Moments." Visit it to experience the witty humor.

The Stay Sane Part

If you've read my bio in the left-hand column, this post is connected to the "stay sane" part. More specifically, my not doing such a good job of staying sane.

Today Janson started a four-week rotation in Milwaukee. Luckily he can stay here and make the 40 minute commute everyday. I have avoided thinking about the months he will be living out-of-state. It was a 16-hour work day for him today, and it looks like he has four-more weeks of that schedule. Most likely several more months of that schedule, give or take a few hours. I feel for him being gone so much and spending those hours being physically and mentally exhausted. I have been spoiled because he only worked three days out of the last two weeks. Today reality set in, and I did okay until 8:15pm when both girls had reached their limit, along with their mother. Somehow we made it through the first three years of podiatry school, but now the last and hardest stretch is beginning. If I look ahead even two weeks from now I am overwhelmed- I can only think about today and tomorrow. I think I will gain a deeper appreciation for the many single parents out there, along with the military moms.

As I spend more time at home and less with Janson or adults in general, this blog will become more valuable. So this post is basically a preamble for the posts to come. My goal is to watch for, or even deliberately produce, moments of laughter in my day... even for the simple reason of writing it down here for others to enjoy. Being a mother can be hilarious, and I'm glad I can stay home and experience the moments of laughter with my children.

Gifts From My Daughters

Grace: a dance together around the living room to the Beatles

Mari: an 11-hour night of sleep and, more importantly, the beautiful smiles afterward

Private vs. Public

Yesterday I made the mistake of reading the first couple chapters of Gone Baby Gone by Dennis Lehane. Ben Affleck directed a movie by the same name (based on the book). It's about a cute four year old girl who gets kidnapped. You can imagine how such reading can affect a mother of young children. It will now take me several weeks to cure my paranoia. I show very little humility in admitting that my children are beautiful! And I'm sure I'm not the only one. I know I am not the only mother who feels this way about their own children, so you can think I'm prideful if you want. I have yet to meet the woman who doesn't think their child is wonderful, although I hear they are out there.

I am fine with flaunting my children's darling images and talents online, but now I am wary of strangers' eyes. Before opening this book I had already been toying with the idea of making my family's blog private rather than public. My creative imagination has plotted a plethora of ways the unkind but intelligent stranger could dabble in stalking or identity theft via the innocent blogs of families. I feel that I have done a decent job of keeping Holmfeet void of elements that could be handy to the unkind. But now I will be doing my own blog "deep-cleaning." Our ultimate purpose of the family blog is to share pictures and videos with family. Since I am hoping to keep the blog user-friendly, and not all of our family have a blogger account, I'm avoiding the move to private. For those that frequent our family blog, feel free to cast your vote via comments.

Tribute to Technology

I love technology. I love innovations that enable us to focus our time and energy on what is important to us. I am grateful for a God that supports a forward-moving people. Seeing that He regards the responsibility of parenthood as one of our most important roles, it seems likely that He had a hand in many technological advances that assist parents. So far in my mothering career I have been unsure how to use technology to be the best mother to my children. I will always be working towards a healthy balance of television and computer time in my home. With the birth of Mari I have begun to appreciate what I call "God-given inventions" that can help parents make it through life: bottles, formula, pacifiers, disposable diapers and sippy cups. I have read enough "hate" literature on most of these products. Here is some love literature! :) I am grateful that these inventions have enabled me to:

1. Go to the temple.

2. Magnify my church calling.

3. Focus on both of my children.

4. Get enough sleep to care for my children more safely and patiently.

5. Eat a little less chocolate! :) (see previous post)

4. Support my husband in his role as father.

That said, I could write an entire post on the benefits and joys of breastfeeding that I experience. The medical professionals are doing a fairly good job in that area, though. May we all enjoy those things in our lives that enable us to be the best parents we can be!

Soothing Chocolate

I ate an entire small bag of M&M's on my way home from the grocery store today. And not just the plain M&M's, but the Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M's. I blame my friend Julianne for introducing me to these. Mari had been exerting her "death scream" (mentioned in a previous post) for a good 45 minutes and I was at my wits end. I know I am not the only parent who gets very stressed out when their baby is screaming and you can't soothe them. By the time I got to the check out I was going crazy trying to think of ways to soothe my child. I grabbed the chocolate and flung it on the conveyer belt. I was horrified (and sick to my stomach) when I realized the bag was gone and I wasn't even home yet. It was then I realized my warped reasoning: if I can't soothe my baby then I will at least try to soothe myself. So I ate chocolate. Holding the empty bag in my hand I realized change was necessary. My two options: the girls never cry again or I confiscate chocolate. Since only the latter is a realistic option, wish me luck!
P.S. I would also love to be reassured to hear that I am not the only one turning to food for comfort, although the lack of reassurance would definitely motivate me towards change.

Mr. Mom

Today was one of those days when I think that motherhood is the hardest job on the planet. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by noon. My husband came home to clutter and craziness.

Tonight Janson watched the girls for five hours while I did temple baptisms with the youth. That is the longest yet I've been away from Mari. By the time I reached the three hour mark, I was sure Janson was at home going crazy. Mari got her two month shots today so she was unusually cranky. Grace, also, has recently been perfecting her art of tantrums. For the last two hours I sporatically tried to call my husband, with no response. I took this to mean that he was too overwhelmed to answer the phone. To my surprise I came home to find a quiet infant, sound-asleep toddler, calm husband, clean living room and spotless kitchen. Wow! As I surveyed the kitchen I couldn't help but question my capabilities as a mother. Mr. Mom obviously has some things figured out that I don't.

Time: It's All Relative

Time is changing for me, but it started long before this weekend's change of clocks. I can tell you the exact minute that time suddenly sped up. 6:58am on January 11th, 2008. That is the minute I remember looking at the clock and thinking, "This might be a contraction." Ever since my labor started for the birth of Mari, time seems to be going twice as fast. The labor and delivery of Mari went remarkably fast, and the stay in the hospital was short. I needn't explain the dazy confusion of Mari's first few weeks at home. Since then I have noticed that an hour now only feels like a half hour. The time is speeding by. I have to give myself twice as much time to change diapers, get ready to leave the house, make dinner, or run errands. One night of sleep just seems like a long nap. Mari was born in January and it is March now, where did February go?

I was thinking about all of this as I drove to visit teach a mother with six kids. I thought about the math. If an hour suddenly seems like a half hour with two kids, what does it feel like with four or five kids? I emphasize that I thought about the math, because I couldn't quite get the division right. I was a little awed to think of this mother's stamina and time-management skills. Later I voiced a bit of this to her and her response was reassuring. She said, "In many ways your stage of life is the busiest. Your kids are all at home, all the time. There is no real break. Now I only have one child at home and my days are relatively relaxing. My afternoons and evenings are exhausting with driving kids from one practice to another, but then I can recuperate the following morning." Whew! What a good thing to hear.

The fast speed of passing time will come in handy when Janson is out of town. Then I will be glad to see that one week has already passed, and there are only three more to go before he comes back. Although I know there will be many three o'clock moments of weariness when I wonder if the day, the week or the month will ever end. Perhaps I should start a 3 O'Clock Support Group- we can all call each other around that time to give each other a boost, or just a laugh. Or even better, I'll schedule a "chocolate break" at just such a time. Then I will want the moment to last forever.